I’ve been a vegan (well 97.5% vegan – more on that below) for 17 years. Related IFOD: Why I am (still) a vegan.

Over the years I’ve been asked a lot of questions about being vegan. I realize that if you are a meat eater it can be sort of mind-boggling to think of not eating the main staples of your diet, so asking questions is natural. That being said, below are actual questions that I’ve been asked over the years and many of them are sort of dumb.

Questions About Eating Meat/Dairy

These questions are dumb.

• Do you eat chicken? Uh. No.
• Do you eat fish? A slightly better question. But no.
• How about pork? The other white meat? Oink. I mean no.
• Do you eat turkey burgers? No. They are made out of turkey which is an animal. How about turkey bacon? Is it healthier than regular bacon? Yes. Is it vegan? No.
• How about salmon? It has some health benefits. But it’s fish so no.
• Do you drink milk? It is awesome for turning calves into cows, but no I don’t drink it (BTW – stop and think about how weird it is to consume what a different species produces for it’s young when it lactates).
• How about cheese? I know that most people think they’ll be sucked into another dimension and die if they couldn’t eat cheese, but no, vegans don’t eat cheese. BTW – vegan cheese doesn’t really taste like cheese in case you were wondering.
• Do you eat eggs? Cluck Cluck Cluck. No.
• How about ice cream? Only non-dairy ice cream.
• Do you like beef jerky? I know I’m really manly and beef jerky is manly (Macho Man Randy Savage is in Slim Jim commercials), but no, unfortunately, beef jerky is not vegan. Nor is turkey jerky.

Questions About Eating Things That are Not Meat/Dairy

These questions range from sort of dumb to not dumb at all:

• Do you drink beer? Totally. Thankfully beer is vegan.
• How about Whiskey? Yup. Check out some interesting facts about whiskey.
• Do you drink wine? Yes. Grapes are vegan. Even when fermented.
• Can you eat French Fries? Yes. They are made out of potatoes. While back in the day they were cooked in animal lard, with rare exception they are now prepared vegan (a notable exception is McDonalds whose fries are cooked with beef flavoring)
• Can you eat cereal? Yes. With almond milk.
• How about bread? Yes. With rare exception, bread is vegan.
• Is pasta vegan? Most pasta is vegan, but some is not.
• Do you drink coffee? Of course. I thought coffee was bad for you. Well, first of all, it’s not bad for you and, second, it has no animal products so it’s vegan.
• I’d die without chocolate – is it vegan? Dark chocolate is vegan and has some health benefits.
• Do you eat gluten? Yes. You are confusing a different restrictive way of eating with veganism. Totally understandable, but they are two totally separate things.

Other Fun Questions

Not all of these are dumb:

• Where do you get protein? Actually a good question and probably the most common question on this list. Plants have protein – in fact broccoli has more protein per calorie than beef. Beans, tofu, nuts, vegan protein powder and the like are great sources of protein.

• Do you miss the taste of meat? Another good question. No. It’s cooked flesh. Yuck.
• I can’t be vegan because I love to eat good food – do you not like good food? I love food as much as I ever have. Vegan food is delicious once you wean yourself off meat and dairy.
• What do you eat on Thanksgiving? Plants. And beer.
• What about plants – you are killing them too and maybe they feel pain? I’m not even going to respond to this one.
• You have leather seats in your car and wear leather shoes – why? I’m vegan primarily for health reasons, so I focus on not eating animals. However, I probably should step up my game with respect to leather and eschew it as well.

I’m about 97.5% vegan. I don’t eat any meat and I don’t drink dairy milk. However, I’ve mellowed a bit over the years. I don’t check every label – if something like a baked good has a bit of dairy in it I don’t worry about it.