Chuck Norris is an actor who usually plays a tough guy. As you may be aware, over the past few decades, the internet has provided us with the gift of hundreds of “Chuck Norris Facts.” These “facts” are humorous statements of Chuck’s toughness and invincibility. I’ve long been a fan of Chuck Norris Facts and below are my favorites. Enjoy!
- When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.
- Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room — the bear isn’t dead it is just afraid to move.
- The Virgin Mary once saw an image of Chuck Norris in her grilled cheese sandwich.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris is Darth Vader’s father.
- There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup he’s not pushing himself up — he’s pushing the Earth down.
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
- Why is the universe expanding? Everything is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
- The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just “the Islands.”
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
- Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories.
- Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
- Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
- When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Chuck Norris signal.
- Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
- Latin insulted Chuck Norris. It is now a dead language.
- While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
- Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Please add any of your favorites not on this list in the comments!
Someone once told Chuck Norris to his face that his roundhouse kick wasn’t very effective. This is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris called Putin and told him to knock it off. Putin said, “Okay.”
Chuck Norris actually died 2 years ago. Death just doesn’t have the courage to tell him.
Chuck can build a Lego house using Lincoln Logs.
Was Chuck really born in a hospital? I heard he was born in a log cabin that he built with his own 2 hands.
Chuck doesn’t go swimming. Water just wants to be around him.
Chuck Norris attacks sharks when he smells them bleed.
Chuck was once bitten by a cobra, and after five days of intense pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris can speak Russian… in Spanish.
Chuck built the hospital he was born in.
The real reason Japan surrendered WW2 is because Chuck Norris had just turned five years old and they didn’t want to risk him getting involved.
Chuck once killed fifty men with one grenade, and five seconds later, the grenade exploded.
Chuck can hit 11 out of 10 targets, using 9 bullets.
When Bruce Banner gets angry, he becomes the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he becomes Chuck Norris.
When Chuck looks in a mirror, even his reflection is scared to look him in the eye.
There has never been a street named after Chuck Norris. Why? No one can cross Chuck Norris and live.
You can surround 3 Indians with 1 soldier if the soldier is Chuck Walker Texas Ranger Norris.
Chuck Norris once got three women pregnant. With the same child.
In high school chemistry class Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only believes in the element of surprise. When the teacher complained, the principal had to go to Chuck’s office.
Chuck is the only person who can actually kill time.
Chuck Norris does not have to flush toilets. He just scares the crap out of them.
It’s a well known fact that cats have Chuck-like reflexes.
Death once had a near-Chuck experience.
The only thing Chuck Norris will never finish is an online form because Chuck will never submit.
Chuck once took a high school math test and wrote “violence” for every answer. His teacher gave him a 100 on the test because everyone knows there is no problem that Chuck cannot solve with violence.
When Neil Armstrong landed on the moon Chuck was there to show him where to park.
If you have $5 and Chuck has $5, then Chuck has $10.
If it looks like chicken, smells like chicken, and tastes like chicken, but Chuck says its beef, it’s beef.
Chuck never dials the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone
Those are amazing
Chuck Norris can believe it´s not butter.
Chuck Norris hits two stones with one bird.
This is incredible?
How does he do all this .
I heard about the skydiving one., pretty impressive.
very hilarious indeed!! You guys made my day
I plagiarized those others. Here’s one I made up…
Chuck Norris visited Niagara Falls. He caused the water to fall up.
Chuck Norris has been to Mars. That’s why there are no signs of life.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only one who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It’s called the Guiness Book of World Records.
While learning CPR, Chuck Norris brought the dummy to life.
Nice ones!
Arguably one of your most entertaining IFODs John.
Chuck Norris found the last digit of pi.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
There once was a legend that Chuck Norris was defeated by a pirate. This was merely a rumor started by Chuck Norris to trick more pirates to fight him.
Chuck Norris commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously.
Those are hilarious!!! Thanks for the laughs, John! Dave likes to watch Walker Texas Ranger. One things Chuck Norris can’t do well is act, in my opinion, but the fight scenes are fun to watch. There’s always one at the end of each show, ha!
Your suggestion that Chuck Norris can’t act well is blasphemy!!!! You better hope he doesn’t read these comments or you might be on the receiving end of a roundhouse kick to the face!
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries…ever.
When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris wants to learn something new, he reads the IFOD.
Huh?
Years of reading this rag and finally one worth the time.
Chuck Norris was actually in all the Star Wars Movies- He was The Force.
Well – thanks for your persistence!
Best. IFOD. Ever.
When Superman goes to bed, he wears Chuck Norris pajamas.